Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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