It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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