Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
