I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
