I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
