I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
