dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
