Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You've changed since you got that strap on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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