Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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