we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
