On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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