Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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