There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
