around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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