I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
