We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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