smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
