My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
