If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
