I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
