Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
