Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
