Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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