She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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