I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
