How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
