My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
