i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
