Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
