anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
