i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
