i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
