In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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