Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
MIDGETS
????
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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