You're my little dorito
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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