It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
