when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
