Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
