hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
