when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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