i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Boobs speak an international language.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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