I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
