Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
