Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
