She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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