he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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