Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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