I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
