So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
