I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
