its not stalking. its research.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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