so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
