wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
