thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
