I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
