I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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