I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
