Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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