im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize