my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
