that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
