david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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