i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize