Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
