What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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