Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
