You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
