just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
