Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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