So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
