in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
