yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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