If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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