Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
