Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
