I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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