I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
