so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
