My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
