after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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