Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
