We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
