you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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