Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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