A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
